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For I did see my unworthiness in Her sight, for I was a sinner, destined forever to spend existence in the presence of the unholy Purple Oyster, waxing his shell and massaging his most wretched and slimy feet.
For lo, the Purple Oyster doth truly have feet, and the legs thereof, and the toes thereof, giving him dominion over all the clams of the seas, and allowing him to go unto the children of men, and tempt them unto destruction.

The Revelation of St. Bryce the Long-Winded (Partial), Chapter One, Verses 9 to 11


The Unicorn saved your soul
Your love for her makes you whole
She is the miracle of pinkness
She is the miracle of happiness

Beware the purple oyster
He is the tempter of sinners
He is the slimy messenger of doom
Who shall make the skulls bloom

She took you in her wake
But I‘ll never be tied to the stake
Just bow down at the Oyster’s feet
You’re now part of the elite

The Unicorn is wretched and weak
She’ll never give you what you seek
This stupid pony won’t come along
‘Cos the Oyster is purple and strong

Purple Oyster of Dooooom
Lead the sinners to their toooomb
Purple Oyster of Dooooom
Lead the sinners to their toooomb